finding wild bursts of joy

May 30, 2023

This is the first newsletter I’ve posted in May—I’ve fallen so far behind! A series of unexpected events all seemed to happen at once, from my son coming down with an illness and missing a full week of school (he’s much better now!) to getting momentous news which has left me completely brain-dazzled, and all the ups and downs in between. Stringing thoughts together has been difficult! I can’t share the news *~yet~* but when the time comes I’ll be writing all about it here.

For last week+ it’s been nearly impossible to convince my brain to calm down enough to plunk words onto a page. It’s hard to admit this, but I haven’t written much over the last couple weeks (other than this newsletter and its three previous attempts, all rightfully abandoned). Another uncomfortable thing to admit: even before receiving the happy news, I’d had trouble focusing on writing. My son’s week-long illness and having him miss school was only a small reason for this. I love spending time with him and it truly was the ideal week for him to be stuck at home. It was a perfect distraction from the other, bigger reason I was struggling… Which is because I was having a hard time finding joy in writing.

Time to be candid, and adding a gentle warning here that I’m going to touch briefly upon the submission process for writers. If you’d rather not read about this topic, skip to the section in bold letters about “finding wild bursts of joy.”

Truth: It wasn’t the writing process itself I was struggling with. What had me wading through this low point was the worry that my latest book would fail on sub.

For those who don’t know what sub/the submission process (in a nutshell) is: This is when your agent submits your manuscript to a small list of editors at different, select publishing imprints. For your book to be traditionally published, an editor must fall in love with the manuscript and champion it through acquisitions, where it will need multiple people at the imprint supporting it in order to get a Yes. If this magical series of events happens, YAY, your book is on its way to being traditionally published! If you don’t find an editor to champion it, or if your manuscript doesn’t get enough support through acquisitions, then your book won’t find a home with those imprints. Sometimes, manuscripts on sub don’t find a home and quietly get shelved.

This book is very personal to me, and imagining having to shelve it made my heart sink through the floor. I’ve been in this situation before with other books and I’m sorry to say (for me, at least) it doesn’t get easier. Writing is an act of bravery. Sharing your work with others is an act of bravery, and I feared my bravery had abandoned me. The hardest day hit when I got four editor rejections in one day. That day also happened to be my birthday.

Submission is hard.

So yeah, the elation I usually feel while writing was really difficult to capture.

finding wild bursts of joy

Instead of languishing in the murk of worry, I set aside my WIP and turned to other things that set my mind at ease. Spending time with my son. Playing Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom alongside him. Savoring a favorite tea. Lingering upon the taste of mangoes. Walking the neighborhood and admiring the flowers.

It is late May and the roses here in Portland are unfurling their petals and sharing their beauty with the world. Every time I see a rose I feel a surge of happiness. These moments remind me that the world is filled with wonders, and they can be immensely uplifting if we take the time to notice them.

I was still feeling a bit raw when an eye-opening moment happened that made me nearly drop my cup of tea. My husband said something along the lines of, “Your passion is words. You love books and language and story so much, it’s what you choose to surround yourself with and work on every day. That’s why you’re so good at what you do.”

I thought, oh. Oh, oh, OH. These are my passions, the things that ignite my soul and dazzle my mind. This realization brought on a wild burst of joy. And I realized how much I love what I do, which is creating stories. I was ready to run right back into the tender arms (er, clickety keys?) of my keyboard to work on my WIP.

And then the wondrous-unexpected happened—news which brought an epic burst of happiness that sent me reeling. How could I concentrate on writing?! I’m sure stars were exploding above my head.

Do I feel guilty about making zero progress on my WIP those two weeks? Yes. Even though I know it’s okay to step back from writing for any length of time because of life events (or to refill the creative well, regather thoughts, or really for any reason at all), I still have to calm my worries when I’m not sitting at my desk, fingertips flying over the keyboard to constantly produce new stories.

I’m giving myself grace and allowing myself to return to my WIP when I’m ready, because sometimes I need the unexpected—particularly the wondrous-unexpected—to remind me how important the art of crafting stories is to me.

What I’m reading

So many books have captured my heart this month! One in particular shines above the rest, and it is a book written by my very dear friend Laura Noakes. Cosima Unfortunate Steals a Star is now out in the world! I was incredibly fortunate to be an early reader for Laura’s heist-y story. I adore Cosima and her friends, and the disability and neurodiversity rep is truly wonderful. This story will keep you at the edge of your seat while Cos’s plan to steal the Star Diamond of India from the dastardly Lord Fitzroy unfolds. Fair warning: Cos *will* steal your heart!

I mean, LOOK AT THAT COVER! It is so magical! If you’re in the USA, Cosima Unfortunate Steals a Star can be ordered through Blackwell’s or Waterstones!

Where I’ve been

I’ve been… well, nowhere terribly interesting lately. But! I have been walking Haku through our neighborhood and taking photos of all the GLORIOUS flowers popping up everywhere. And roses! So many roses!

Gallery of images of roses, irises, and other pink blooms — May flowers in Portland Oregon

And, among my favorites for many reasons, poppies <3

Images of bright red-orange poppies — Poppies in Portland, Oregon

Creators to follow

In keeping with the flowers & greenery & stars theme featured in this post, I’m sharing an artist who uses natural elements in the incredible art they create. Lito is a leaf artist, meaning they craft highly intricate scenes by painstakingly cutting tiny images into a leaf. Every time I see one of their pieces I’m mind-boggled. The detail is stunning and the scenes are dream-like and whimsical. Check them out!

Image of a rabbit riding a flying bull with stars, all cut from a green leaf. — ｢君の生まれた星〜Taurus〜｣, "The star where you were born〜Taurus〜" by Lito leaf art

Follow Lito leaf art on Insta!

Other projects

I’ve continued working on my Ghibli stamp series and made four new stamps this month. Last week I tested out some new printmaking techniques on a Calcifer stamp I carved in early May. Calcifer is one of my top favorite Ghibli characters of all time, and he’s from my absolute favorite Ghibli film, Howl’s Moving Castle. The ink has a little shimmer to it! Perfect for my favorite fire demon <3